hamthorpe.

most of my daily interactions amount to nothing more than mind-numbing small talk. i take full responsibility for these sad little games of relational catch, and i apologize for the lack of depth or passion in our exchanges. so, to combat this superficial car salesman mentality, here are some of my deepest darkest secrets:

- i think cyndi lauper is hot. good lord she's hot. she shaved checkmarks into the side of her head and i've seen less eccentric circus clowns. i don't care. cyndi lauper is hot. i'm not even going to try to understand it, i'm just going to accept the fact that i'm different, embrace my individuality, and youtube time after time for the rest of the afternoon. holy crap she's hot.
- i didn't vote this year. i wanted to, but i would have had to fill out an absentee ballot and that's like five minutes of paperwork that i just couldn't handle. had i voted, i would have written in david hasselhoff... just for funsies.
- on friday morning, i shot a duck in the head from 20 feet with what might as well have been an elephant gun. i predict that it will be delicious.
- my best friend and i cheated on several social studies and science tests in the 5th grade. worse than that, we're certain that our teachers knew we were doing it. they never said a thing. we never confessed. i still can't locate switzerland on a world map.
- i've never been able to sit through an entire james bond movie. i find them about as exciting as spice racks or dental floss or wall paper.
- i find the recession kind of exciting. the prospect of another great depression could prove to be a ray of hope for a pathetically materialistic culture. i fondly imagine what it would be like to lose everything i have and be forced to scrounge for the necessities. bring it on. eat more possum.
- much of the bible still confuses me.
- i used to moon trailer parks for fun. we'd lay on the horn and drive by at 5 mph with 3 of us hanging out the windows. i sincerely apologize to the residents of the shady maple trailer park. no one should have to see that.
- i peed myself during a little league game one time, leaving a small puddle right next to third base. a few innings later, someone slid into that base. i felt no remorse, because i believed that my punishment had already come in the form of severely chapped legs and a sense of paralyzing shame.



seen twilight?
would you get the same movie if you put the lost boys, harry potter, and the notebook in a blender?

shunned from AP's top 100 movies of all time?
this little gem: