normally, i don't consider myself too high maintenance. in terms of vanity, i'm well aware that i am not a fetching dude and that no amount of designer clothing, exercise, or tanning will change that fact. in a materialistic sense, most days i pray for a good house fire so that i won't have to clean around all of my useless and unnecessary crap (why do i own 3 cake platters?). emotionally, i tend to lean toward the numb and distant side of the spectrum, rendering my needy-ness level somewhere between slaterock and a cactus. that being said, i have discovered that my happiness tends to hinge on several key factors:
A). my wife doesn't hate me.
B). i know for a fact that somewhere in the world somebody is watching big trouble in little china
C). i'm not vomiting.
D). it's not january or february.
for these two months, i may as well not leave my house, open my windows, get on the internet, or watch tv. sportscenter features nothing but the NBA and nascar(about as fun for me as a rusty fish hook to the face); weather wise, pennsylvania aspires to be either siberia or the UK (either furiously cold or cheeky and depressed); and the sun apparently decides to call it quits for 8 weeks. yes december is cold, but there's christmas, kwanzaa, and tacky holiday sweaters. march sucks at the beginning, but at least there's hope toward the end (St. Patty's Day... short people in green top hats). all you get in january and february is new years day (which is kind of like watching Star Wars Episode 1 - lots of hype resulting in total crap) and valentine's day (saint valentine himself probably spent february 14th watching 'how to lose a guy in 10 days' while hitting himself in the face with a shoe).
the bad news? according to the weather channel, altoona will look suspiciously like the frozen tundra for the next two weeks. the good news? march starts in 3 days. and i'll be wearing shorts and sandals (with socks). take that, nature.
epiphany:
this post was really depressing. my bad.
other epiphany:
about 7 years ago i watched "wild things" and i saw kevin bacon naked. i can't take that back. i can't unwatch that movie. i have to live with the fact that i've seen kevin bacon naked. he doesn't even know who i am. terribly upsetting.
listen to:
"sleeping sickness" by City and Colour. cry a little bit.
read:
"the irresistible revolution" again. stop taking showers.
random hip hop gangster shoutout to:
Jim Rome. you're angry and abusive but i love you and i've got nowhere else to go.
