Livin' High On The Hog

what has 2 thumbs, disproportionate limbs, and no job? this guy. unemployment is, for lack of a better adjective, totally freakin' awesome. up to this point, unemployment has always been coupled with a negative stigma, a sort of condescending sneer down the nose at the jobless and pathetic. now that i have joined the proud ranks of 40 drinking underwear porch sitters, i can see the appeal. oh the freedom, my friends. the pure unadulterated freedom.

spend all day in my underwear? heck yes.

channel surf until my thumbs hurt and my brain is screaming for anything substantial to wrap itself around? sure.

beer at 9AM? now that's just sad. i'm jobless, not dan kalbach (zing!)

chuckle at my wife while she heads off in the morning to make a living? yes... at least until she gets pissed and hits me with an indian burn.

sleep in until 10? psssh... make it 11 and we've got a deal.

live off of the fat of society while my fellow man toils all day in the unforgiving sun? GOD. BLESS. AMERICA.

seriously kids, what could be better? this world is my big expensive oyster that i cannot afford, but i'm still gonna suckle the teet of this prosperous country until the river runs dry. the only thing that could make these 2 weeks of irresponsibility better is an encore of shark week on discovery channel, a venti nonfat iced vanilla chai latte, and a nice chocolate lab puppy. gourmet.

chandler and i leave on the 8th for our whirlwind american tour. we'll be living out of the car and crashing couches all across this land of the free and home of the morbidly obese, until october 13 when we settle down in sunny aspen. here's the hit list in order by our intended stops:

- brad "the answer" schmitt in state college.
- mom "glasses" and dad "the flannel" wygant in franklin, pa.
- the kessick family in husdon, oh
- dan "LP" and KC "the dominator" irvin in toledo, oh.
- the murphy's in the big 'nati (murph, you still owe me $8... or a trip to chipotle)
- tasha "the possum" bruinsma, steve "double down" lucia, and anthony "burns" barlich in chi-town
- the don and sarah in denver, plus a dash of swalsh in boulder
- backpacking with the tis family in aspen
- to aspen, to hit up the church and beg for a job in our future utopian mountain town
- to salt lake to see allie "shortstack" hemphill
- idaho... somewhere in the lower egypt portion of idaho to see the sebastians
- portland/seaside to cuddle with ian and katie wolff
- yosemite to camp and flip el cap the bird (and to fulfill a lifelong dream... to climb a bit of el cap in the nude... the whiteness of my no no zone will shine like a beacon to those below)
- lots of driving back across the country. no pants in nebraska. it's a rule. i can't break the rule. you can't fight city hall... it's too strong.
- atlanta for the inlaws family, seth "the beard" kelly, and kyle "the leg" belcher
- asheville to blend in with the hippies
- fredericksburg for a little bit o' laura and cliff wright... tasty
- home to pa to watch the little sister get hitched and watch the uncles kill hoards of pesky brain cells.

if you'd like to be added to the list, please comment... but make sure it's in king james english so that it keeps me entertained.



is possessing my goat as of late:
anything by alexi murdoch

reading:
mostly road signs and warning labels

how was:
inglourious basterds. dan... your opinion?