Day 1 + 2

Every time I hit the brakes, an avalanche of crap descended upon my head. Shelby Woo the Subaru looked like an obese woman after a solid 2 hour session at the Ponderosa buffet - perilously stuffed, lurching forward only in protest, threatening to vomit its contents at the slightest jolt. We left the home of tax-free shopping at about 6:30 on Tuesday night after an 11 hour cleaning blitz on our home... which was comprised mostly of me lying on the floor complaining about cleaning while Chandler actually cleaned.

Three hours of speed limit driving later, we arrived in Fredericksburg, VA to see our homeslices Laura and Cliff Wright. Cliff is the YL area director in FXBG and looks dirty sexy in a v-neck t-shirt with all his burly chest hair erupting from the neck line (you can't defeat the chest hair... you can only hope to contain it). The first evening was spent at a fine dining establishment where the women discussed relationships, makeup, and daytime television while the men discussed how much it sucked to sit in the corner of the booth because the confined space did not allow your dice to roll (it confined your Olsen twins... it really cramped your Hardy boys - it was no mystery).

The next day we took a field trip to Lake Anna where we met a kindly old man named "T" or "Tea" or "Tee" who showed us around his lake house. From there, we proceeded to drive to Chipotle via backroads, revealing Virignia's true colors (a random goat on a porch eating a rose bush, more confederate flags than you could shake a stick at, pretty flowers, lots of cows). Our lunch at Chipotle was nothing short of ecstasy... a cornucopia of meats and cheeses and trans fats spilling out of the edges of a burrito bowl like an overflowing bath tub full of chocolate pudding and puppies. Glee.

We said our tearful (and for Cliff and I, vaguely fruity) goodbyes and headed toward State College... only to crawl along I-270 in a cuss word-filled jaunt through northern Virginia. I imagine hell being a lot like NVa, only with Nickelback on every radio station and Kathy Lee Gifford riding in the passenger seat.

We got to State College. We hung out with Robbie Howard, Sarah Lucas, Brad Schmitt, and Courtney Cox. We acted like college kids again. We rushed Kappa Sig. We stuffed a phone booth. We wore college sweaters. We gave it the old college try. And it was awesome.

Day 3 - Franklin... the land of unemployment and homemade jams and jellies. Punk rock.